AMODA'S BLOG

NO LONGER A PROBLEM

I used to be a problem. To myself. And to others. Filled with self-loathing I shrunk from the world, unable to offer anything from my heart, unwilling to be seen. At first, self-harm and self-hate. I tried to get rid of myself because I was not worthy of life. Later on, self-help and self-improvement. I…

UNTAMABLE HEART

At our recent retreat in upstate New York, someone asked what was meant by the wild heart. This is what I said (or words close to this) … The wild heart is your untamable nature, that part of you which is free because it cannot be captured by anything you think or feel or do….

THE WISDOM OF SURRENDER

You tell me you want peace. Peace in your life, peace in your mind, peace in your heart. You tell me you don’t want to feel this tight knot of resistance in your belly when things don’t go your way, when life becomes stormy, when you feel you’re falling apart. You tell me you want…

REMEMBER, YOU ARE HELD

My friend, remember. Remember you are held. When your heart is aching and there’s no cure for this pain, you are held. When life no longer makes sense and you drift aimlessly like a leaf in the wind, you are held. When thoughts are seen to be untrustworthy and you fear you’re going insane, you…

THE ART OF LISTENING

Friend, listen deeply. There is an art to this listening. The art is in the falling. Usually, listening takes place from a position: the position of self. In this case, it’s not really listening: it’s more like projecting. The self projects itself onto the screen of perception and so it hears only a distortion of…

THE PORTAL OF SHAME

Shame. We try to overcome it. To get rid of it. To cover it up with bravado and smiles, with cleverness and wit, strategically placed to hide the unwanted, the unforgivable. If only we were not so scarred, not so tarnished, not so cracked and grimy that we had to bury it deep inside, so…

THE TRICKY TOPIC OF TRAUMA

Trauma. It’s a tricky topic … especially in spiritual circles. Some seekers want to awaken in order to heal from trauma. Others believe they cannot awaken until they have healed from trauma. Some spiritual teachers include trauma-work as an integral part of the awakening process. Others do not consider the emphasis on trauma to be…

WHAT IS YOUR DEEPEST LONGING?

I ask you, what do you long for? You tell me you want to find fulfillment in the work you do, to do something meaningful, to express your authentic voice. I ask you, what do you long for? You tell me you want to find happiness in relationship, to meet your soul mate, and finally…

IS IT OK TO FALL APART?

To fall apart. It sounds scary. It sounds like the end of the world. The end of us. We do everything in our power to not fall apart. We keep our emotions in check. We keep our feelings hidden, even to ourselves. We contort ourselves around family rules. Don’t rock the boat, they said. Don’t…

The Energy For Emptiness – Guest Blog

This blog was written by Jennifer Billig, Santa Fe. In my experience, it felt like my ability to access emptiness, or what Amoda calls ‘presence,’ was dependent on my level of physical energy. When I slept well and felt vigorous, it felt mostly easy to make contact with this vast, bright nothingness. If I slept…

THE OPENNESS THAT HOLDS IT ALL

The innocent longing to come home – what we call the spiritual search – is so often hijacked by an unconscious psychological agenda for comfort and perfection. Along with the desire to end the suffering created by ego’s tenacious story-telling comes a hope that this ending means we no longer have to feel what we…

THE PATH OF LOVE

You want freedom. From your self. That pesky self that berates you when you get it wrong. Nags you for not being perfect enough. Condemns you for not living up to expectations. Yours or others. That annoying self that coils into a tight ball of defense when it feels rejected. Lashes out like a scorpion’s…